Ssssssssppppppptttttttt!!

Sorry I have been slacking on the posts and comments to your blogs...same old shit...busy, busy, busy...add to that about 10 fuck sessions, and you can see why I have been gone! lol

So, what to talk about....OH!! I tried the different flavors of nipple lickers that the love bud brought home...can I just say...NASTY AND FUCKING GROSS!!!

I applaud the man for trying, but...damn!! Whoever makes that shit should be dick slapped...and not in the good way either, like when you are going at it and he starts lightly slapping your hoohaa with his dick......what? who? oh uhmmmm,,,where was I?? Oh yeah...they should be beaten is what I am getting at here.

Just the idea that your man has gone to the trouble of going and getting the nipple lickers is usually enough to get ya going...so, you are hot, he is hot, you are both fucking HOT!!

Foreplay begins...a little rubbing, some licking, a little light slap here and there ...again with the dick slapping, you can see where my mind is at right? lol

back to the foreplay...clothes are now completely gone, and, what is that I see?? Yes!! He is reaching for the nipple lickers...we are gonna have some fun now!! He proceeds to squeeze some of the Wanton Water Melons onto my wanton water melons, and...down goes his mouth...he is in it to win it!!! Then, I hear...

"Bllleeeccccckkkkkkk...what the fuck??!!"
followed by

"Ssssspppppptttttt...sssssppppttt..ahhhkkkkk....uuuugggghhhh...sssssppppptttt!!"

Not necessarily the most flattering thing to hear going on when he is lapping at your tits huh?

So, me being the asshole that I am, I immediately start laughing when I realize that he is gagging and about to puke...laughing and shoving his puky ass away from my tits I should say!

Love bud dashes out to the bathroom and starts frantically swishing water in his mouth trying to get the taste out. After about 5 minutes of this, and after I called him a pussy about 10 times...in a sweet, loving way of course...he staggers back to the bedroom.

And what does Miss Brilliant do next?? Yep, thats right, I just HAD to try the shit myself...like his gagging and spitting was not enough evidence...nope, I had to get me some!

and.................

"Sssssspppppppppttttttt...ahhhhkkkkk...ssssspppptttt..."

and...................

repeat the earlier water swishing and name calling, only reverse the roles...

Gah!! Whoever told those people that putting cough syrup into smaller bottles and slapping a "nipple lickers" label on them was a good idea...cause thats exactly what that shit tastes like...nasty, nasty cough syrup!! YUCK!!

Now, he has lived with me long enough to know that it is alright for me to laugh at him, but it is certainly NOT alright for him to laugh at me!!! No sir!!

For cruelly laughing at me, I made him do 50 push ups...I just happened to be lying under him at the time!! hahahahah
When we were done with his punishment, we threw that damn nipple licker shit away...just gives us an excuse to go back to the sex shop and buy something else right??

Nipple lickers unite!!

I do believe I have created a monster with this fantasy shit of mine!

I came home today and love bud gives me this sly look and a wink and says that he has a surprise for me in on the bed.
Now, I am a female, so just the word surprise has got me going already...lol

I walk into the bedroom, and sitting on the bed is a collection of flavored nipple lickers!!

That is actually the brand name...Nipple Lickers!! hahahah...nuff said!
There are five in the set, with everything from "Busty Berry" to "Wanton Water Melons"

Is that great or what??

I will let ya know which ones are the best...cause, even though he says he is gonna be the one doing the tasting...as in HIS mount on MY tata's, you just know I am gonna have to find out how they taste too...just out of curiosity ya know?? hahahahahahah

But, this is the stuff that I really wanna try...it is supposed to numb your throat so you can give the perfect blow job with out worrying about that pesky gag reflex!!

Field fuckin

Guess what I did 2 nights ago??
Come on, guess....
Nothing?
Fine!! I'll tell ya!!

Love bud and I got to talking about how we had been together for almost 10 years, and that our sex life had become pretty routine...AKA BORRRRIIIIIINNNGGGG!!

Well, the conversation slowly turned to fantasies...or, more specifically, my fantasies...lol

I was pretty goody goody in high school, buttttttttttttt...I had always wanted to have sex on the football field...on the 50 yard line to be more exact...and....guess what???

Are you ready for it??


WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats right kids...goody goody wmy and the love bud knocked boots on the football field of my old high school!!
It was kinda chilly...good nipple perking weather, ya know?? hahahah
It was awesome...even better than in my fantasies!!
We had to sneak in...even climb over a fucking fence...that was almost enough to make my lazy ass back right out...but...love bud just pushed me right up and over...a couple of times, if you get my drift! lol

I am so glad we did it...we have been giving each other these sly little looks for the past couple of days every since we did the nasty...and, believe me...it was nasty and dirty and FUCKING GREAT!! I am soooooooo proud of us...who says we are getting old?? HAAA!! Not too old to fuck on the field!!

So, my lovely buds from blogland...tell me about something you have done...dirty or nasty...the dirtier and nastier the better! lol

wmy

Knock it the fuck off!

Why do you do it?? I just do not understand at all. You all know the people in your immediate circle...their likes and dislikes, their personalities, if they are judgemental or not...so, why in the world do you do it??

Why, oh why, do you tell those in your "real" life about your blog?????
I cannot even begin to count the number of people who have had to completely abandon their blogs because someone at work, or someone who they know from their real life has found out about their blog.

Our blogs are where we get the shit off our chests...where we can shout to the world that we got wicked nasty last night and taped our fuck session with out significant other...where we can say."My mother in law is a dirty cunt...she can just lick my ass!" Or, "that mother fucker of a boss I have is the stupidest jackass ever, I run that whole company!"

Please, for the love of all that is sacred and secret and nasty and dirty and NONE OF THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS...do not tell people from your real life about your fucking blog!!!

"But why Wendy?"
Well, let me tell ya!
Because I am a selfish bitch, thats why!

I am sick and fucking tired of finding a fabulous, funny as all fuck blog...reading about someone's life...laughing so hard that I spit mountain dew all over my computer screen...feeling genuine sadness when they are going through tough times...only to log on one day and see.........

"Gotta go...my boss/mom/bitch sister in law/next door neighbor found out about my blog...and boo frickity hoo...their feelings are hurt and they are giving me shit..." or even worse...

"I just got fired/broken up with/divorce notice/ cause (fill in the blank) found my blog"

Just STOP IT DAMMIT!!! KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!
Stop telling those fuckers about your blogs ok??
Well, ok then...here endeth the rant...
wmy

But, mommmmmm!

Hey there, hi there, hooooooooooooooooo there!!
So, you all may just have to bail my ass out of jail...no, really!!
I may or may not kick the shit out of the 15 year old boy up the street cause he may or may not be spending too much time trying to get close to my 12 year old daughter!!

In the world of big people, a 3 year age isn't shit, right?? BUTTTTTTTTTTT...
When we are talking about a 15 year old boy and a 12 year old girl, 3 years suddenly seems like 100!

My daughter comes home with this sappy, love struck, dreamy look on her face a couple of days ago...

"Oh mom, Ricky is the cutest boy ever!!!"
I'm all "That's nice dear.................. HOLD UP!! WAIT A MINUTE!! isn't Ricky that kid who lives in the blue house down the road?"

"Yes" she sighs, all the while with a rapturous look upon her glowing face

"Isn't that the same little punk who happens to be 15?"

"Nope, uh uh...he is only 13" (there she goes with the first lie...has to be that damn Ricky's influence!! lol)

"What school does he go to?"
"Wyo...I mean Jackson Park." Ha!! Got her little ass!! Wyoming Park is the high school, and Jackson Park is the middle school...where she goes.

"Oh, so he's in Dustin's grade then huh?" (Dustin is my son who is 13 and in 7th grade)
"uhhhhmmmm yeah"

"DUSTINNNNNNNNNN!!! would you come in here please" I yell through the house, noticing the panicked look come across her formerly glowing face.. hahahahaha Don't play with mama girlie, I have been playing the game a lot longer! hahaha

Well, before Dustin could even THINK about coming into the room, my daughter starts talking so fast, I was sure her head was gonna pop off! lol

"ok, ok, he is not really 13, but I reallylikehimandIdidn'twantyoutotellmenoooooooooooo!"

So, little miss liar is grounded and even though I am not gullible enough to believe that I have totally squashed this little crush, threatening to show up at her school in curlers, wearing a bathrobe and her dad's combat boots went a long way towards accomplishing just that!
And my kids know damn well that I will totally carry through on my threat! hahahah

Never mess with the mama!

Busy bitch

Busy, busy, busy...just like a little beaver.
This science class I am taking is just kicking my fucking ass! Big time...with steel-toed boots even! hahahah

Love bud even told me that I was talking about mitosis and "dirty cells" in my sleep.

"Hey babe, whats a dirty cell?"
He asked me this at 6:00 in the morning...I am already pissy because I am up in the first place (fucking kids and their damn school anyway!!)

"What the fuck are you talking about? Dirty cells? I don't fucking know." I say fuck a lot when I am tired and pissy.

"Don't get cunty with me...you were moaning about mitosis and dirty cells last night in your sleep. I would have thought it was something about prison...you know your family...but you threw the mitosis part in and fucked me all up."

My god, the man is calling me cunty when I am already pissy...has he learned nothing in the past 10 years of blessed life with me?

"You know, fuck face, I wouldn't be playing fast and loose with that word if you plan on getting anywhere near THAT WORD later on tonight!"

Oh yeah, the love was definately flowing, let me tell ya! hahaha...some couples show their love by giving each other little gifts, some write their partner love poems...not us...we go with calling each other cunty and fuck face...its the kind of love that lasts!! lol

I have no idea what I was dreaming about...Sometimes I can remember my dreams, but I forget most of them.

I bitched at the love bud a little bit for that jab about my family too...only I get to talk about them being a bunch of crackwhores and prison pussies!

catch ya'll in a bit...
wmy

Will you marry me??

I love you signgurl, oh yes I doooooo...I love you signgurl, oh yes I dooooooooo...don't know the rest of the song, but, you get my point right??

Signgurl did my new template...isn't it lovely?? Isn't she lovely?? Yep, I thought so too!!

And, she did all this right after she had her gall bladder yanked out of her body!! And, ooh, ooh, she was on pain killers too!! lol

I am forever in your debt lovely Jenn( thats her real name kids) and if you ever need anything...like, a kidney, or gallbladder....uhhmmm, wait, I am gonna rethink that last one!!

I do love ya!!
Thank you so so so so so so so much!!